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The Fabled Squid


 First page of a new book... prelude to The Fabled Squid...

The Fabled Squid

Page one:

The Giant Squid of interest was shot in the head by a rogue French pirate. This event did not phase either of them.  From that day on they each held a vendetta against the other.  
"La Stupide et drole squid!" yelled the French pirate across the gray ocean.  The squid pumped his fist in rage in return.  But even in this gesture of rage the squid was still crying.  The squid was always crying... Giant tears poured into the ocean, raising the water levels.  This made the ocean react with angry waves that especially targeted the French pirate's ship.  The Frenchman's vessel was merely built out of baguettes and old cheese.  It wasn't a very sturdy ship.  The squid found this slightly endearing before he pummeled the buoyant baked good deep into his salty tears.
"Tu es bastard!" whined the frenchmen in an underwater tone.  This brought the squid to tears and the water rose.

Page 2:
You see, the squid was a pacifist and any sort of violence made  him extremely depressed and delusional.  Flinging croutons from the baguette aimlessly towards the squid, the frenchman himself began to cry. The croutons got washed away in the current and eaten by the fishes.  The water was rising extremely quickly because no one can cry harder than a Frenchman and a Giant Squid.  They both began to laugh and the Frenchard realized that he was able to breath under water; with this realization he lit up a cigar.  The Frenchman was crying because he witnessed the sadness in the Giant Squid's eyes.  The French know good art and the squid was good art.  "All I have to offer you is this soggy bagguette and the gun I shot you with, Monsieur Squid."  The frenchman proclaimed with great love in his voice.
Page 3:
By now, the United States was almost all flooded from the tears of the two.  The president of The USA had his trigger finger on the Red Button.  The problem was the Red Button blew up the whole world besides the USA.  Man, did he feel like the Dufus of the Year; the Dufus of Eternity.  He wondered about the origin of this sea level increase and began to cry.  This did not help the flooding because, man, if you see a USA president cry, it is even worse than an average Frenchman or Giant Squid.  Water was everywhere and rising quickly.  The general public began building giant floatation devices.  Capri's and highwaters were front page on Elle Magazine.  The president had committed suicide by suffocation from his unending tears.