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DESERTED ISLAND

LOST ON A DESERTED  DESERT ISLAND... 
Read poll after story...  don't want to spoil the plot twists here...
Poll #1681524 Captain...

The captain should

Get drunk and fight the alien ship with coconuts
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Build a house inside one of the icebergs and invite the aliens in for dinner...
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Turn into a mythical beast and kick the alien's asses...
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Call forth the ghosts (and zombie people) from the Titanic to wage an epic war against the aliens.
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Sail away on an iceberg to save the Titanic victims only to realize that he is merely delusional and dehydrated before he dies in the ocean...
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Page One:

I was naked and alone.  Also very drunk.  Sleeping under the shade of a palm tree; I awoke in a puddle of saliva when a coconut fell on my head.  The sea was what I saw.  I didn't feel like I could trust my thoughts, only my observations, but even the objective details of my predicament were hard to trust.  At first, the birds circling my head seemed to be seagulls.  I soon found out their true nature.  They were annoying me.  I couldn't help it.  They were not making bird noises, they were singing corny Bruce Springsteen tunes.  "BORN IN DA U.S.A.... We were born in the U.S.... caw caw!!"  They called out towards my inebriated body.  Their words resounded and reverberated in an endless round until the lyrics were no...   (SEE PAGE 2)



 
PAGE 2:
 
...longer decipherable.  I got up.  I fell down, I laid there.  I crawled toward the ocean.  Inching my way to the shore I attempted to remember the past events.  Either I was recovering from an alcoholic black-out or I sustained a mild traumatic brain injury.  I knew that I was the captain of the Titanic at some point, but again it was difficult to trust memories or thoughts.  While trying to recount the past events, the only image that came to mind was how proud I was to sound the horn of the largest luxury passenger ship to trudge across the icy waters of the Atlantic.  What a powerful feeling it was to pull the chain that caused the horn to sound.  It was strange though because audio and visual memories became one.  The sound of the horn was the same as the bright light that lifted me off the.... ( see page 3)
PAGE 3:

massive vessel.  This extreme sensory experience flashed out of my mind as soon as my hands hit the warm tropical waters.  I had finally reached the shore after a long and depraved crawl. This relief was soon met with astonishment.  The water began washing off my skin tone.  What was left beneath was a gray/taupe shade with intricate designs that resembled hieroglyphs.  But ah, where was my captain clothes?  Why was I naked?  Why was my dick so hard and my asshole tingling? WHY?!  Shortly after this realization I began voiding tiny beads of what I thought were feces.  "UGH, finally a good poo!" I thought.  But these little turds glistened like silver in the sun.  They had crazy designs in them, they began to expand and hatch.  I watched in amazement.  My shit was glowing.  

I began to collect up my shit but I had no where to put the poo.  I thought I was greedy.  My thoughts were lies.  These shits were worth money back in England.  I could be rich!  The material was exquisite.  A combination of gold and diamonds with rubies and amethyst.  This new gem could be worth millions even in the 1900s.  Yet they  continued to grow and pulsate.  My shit was Shiny.  The sky was too blue to be true.  Was I in heaven or somewhere else?  Perhaps Nirvana.  I knew the answer to this question as soon as my deepest fear emerged from my excrement.  My mind was fuzzy, but still, I realized with extreme clarity that I had mistaken diamonds for icebergs.  Rage welled up  up deep within my damaged psyche.  The icebergs that crushed my dreams must be destroyed.  I began to pummel them with my drunken fists

PAGE 5:
God save the, uh, ME!  What about me?  Where's my fuckin' ship?  And why won't these stupid fuckin' aliens stop staring at my naked bum?  There they stood ----->  Underneath a tropical tree.  My eyes scanned the sand and I noticed what resembled crop circles across the terrain.  WHAO!  Where did my existence remain?  This must be a spell.  I needed some water from my well, but no this wasn't jolly-ole-home or the Titanic.  I'm the god damn captain!  I commanded the aliens to stop everything that was happening with my mind and asshole.  This wasn't supposed to happen like this.  The ice-burgh turds reacted in defiance to my demand.  They grew larger and larger until they consumed the entire Island.  I began to grow cold, very cold.  The only head to be found was...
PAGE 6:
...coming from the alien ship above and that was the last place I wanted to find relief from this icy hell..   They were icing me out.  Trying to get me back in their space ship where they could implant my ass with more icebergs or maybe something worse.  I kept on course even though I was no longer heading towards England.

 

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